Oh no my plant is too big. -grief work.

I stick the word “grief” in the titles so that readers who want nothing to do with those posts can avoid them. This post isn't overly sad, but it's still talking on death & loss.

Knowing the costs of renting a moving truck and the gas cost + moving to another city 30 minutes away = more mileage + more fees- I'm really trying to plan the minimum amount of trips and bring minimum stuff.

Easier said than done when some of your grief is wrapped up in attachment to things that the dead left behind.

Over the years, I've kept many things from my mum and my aunts that all died. Many of the things were very broken, but I was hopeful I’d fix it someday. Many of the trinkets have just sat, collecting dust over time. A lot of them were last gifts to my kids from that family member. I've been holding onto a lot of these things for the memories.

But it is time to part with the things.

Not all the things. But a good chunk of them. I had to face the greif of realization, that I was never going to fix that broken thing that belonged to a dead person I loved.

It's a work in progress. Some things are harder to part with than others. Some days are harder to work through than others. I hold off on some things today, but maybe next week I'll throw them out with no problem. The moods are key. I remind myself to flow with the emotions.

I can't place my garden in the ground at the next place. I'm back to using pots and learning my way around container gardening again.

(Fyi if you find you kill your plants often in containers, maybe putting them in the ground will help you develop a green thumb. The earth is far more forgiving and can absorb the extra water love you give them. Whereas in a container, if it doesn’t have drainage, your loved up plant is going to drown in root rot, real quick.)

I can't bring my gardens with me. Going back to the moving truck scenario, there is no way I could justify filling up a truck with all my plants for a trip. I love them all but only a few are very dear to me. And even then, moving them from where they've been happy for years, into a pot and unknown conditions- I may be taking them to a slow death. I can't put them back into the ground at the new house, so if they hate their pot, or the sun isn't strong enough in my new location- I've just killed them.

Ronon reminding me to put the plants up on higher ground.

I didn't realise how large my hydrangeas were. They seemed so small in the ground, the plants were barely hitting my knees in height. The rootballs were massive. I feel guilty looking at them in a way, I hope they'll be cool with the pots. I expect a lot of the bush leaf to die back from shock. So it'll be a smaller plant to move in a couple of weeks anyways. Same with my giant rose bush. All three plants are perennial, they should be fine. We will see. But they're still massive and that's going to take up a lot of room in the truck.

Before the plants were dug up.

It's such a small area but three massive plants were there lol.

The rest are being left behind. Black hollyhock, white Iceland poppies, portulaca and straw flowers. I took the seeds from them all just in case I want to plant them next summer. Maybe I can build a deck planter or something. My woodworking skills are minimal but not non-existent.

We will see how much room I have and where it is, and how the sun hits it. Might need a whole set of shade plants this time around who knows.

It’s bittersweet. I am both sad about what's being left behind, and excited for future plants and possibilities.

In earlier posts, when I was raging about being renovicted and upset in the moment- I threatened to take every one of my rocks from my gardens. I wanted to leave this place as bare and lifeless as I found it. I wish I could. But I don't have room. I don't have a rock garden anymore, I don't want the rocks sitting in a pile indoors, unused. I had hand picked each rock with my kids. We have great memories from them.

(Also all my insect buddies, birds, rabbits and skunks depend on my yard. I HOPE the new tenants will keep some of the garden, I hope they improve it, make it bigger and better! Just please don't take it all out and turn it into a perfect square of grass like everyone else is doing. They're removing gardens everywhere. I can't garden at my new place because it's against policy. They want to have no bugs or worries. This contributes to the climate crisis and kills our bees. )

Carrying on, I settled on taking ONE bag of rocks with us. Which is only like 8 rocks total, they're either hand sized or skull sized, and heavy. The kids helped pick their favorites from the gardens. I feel ok with this choice, I can place these rocks strategically around the potted plants at the new place. Maybe they'll offer shelter to whatever new invertebrate roommates I'll have next.

We’re not moving for a couple of weeks yet, but I wanted to get my gardens sorted and work through that now. The new owners will be dropping by to take stock of what's here, I did not want them confused on what's not staying. I’ll cut the dead stuff back but I'm not weeding the gardens, they're not mine to tend anymore.

By the way, if you ever see my cat laying like this, don't touch him, it's a trap. He places himself in front of doorways and the stairs so you have to acknowledge the belly, or step over him. He knows most humans can't ignore him like this. (He's positioned right in front of the stairs that he knows I need to descend in a moment.)

He wants you to touch his belly. Then he unleashes his orange cat mentality and attacks you unhinged. Not his fault you fell for the obvious trap.