Executive dysfunction & trolling under the bridge.

I can only force my way through executive dysfunction for so long before the little tricks don’t work anymore.

It's getting harder to get out of bed, I fall asleep at the drop of a hat, perpetually exhausted and worried. Last week I developed a large cold sore on my lip. I rarely get cold sores, and when I do, it's a result of too much stress..Last time I had a cold sore, my aunt died. Patterns forming.

I needed to make some videos to accompany the art I made for the Creature project. Essentially like a “hey kids I’m Ness and here's what I liked about your art!” type thing.

I've never looked worse honestly lol. I haven't taken many selfies or videos at all this year, I feel like I look perpetually sad in my eyes. The grief grows with every death, time feels shorter and everything feels like it could be the last. As a result, I've got eye bags to my chin and a red swollen nose from lots of tears, and a big old cold sore. How was I going to take any videos feeling like shit.

Thank you giant sunglasses, and lots of makeup. My lower lip looks large, that's where the bloody cold sore is hiding. This is a still shot from one of the videos I did. I was in process of turning off the recording, and accidentally served. The graffiti background makes this go hard.

If you’ve ever noticed on my IG posts, I would sometimes say my location was “under a bridge”. Here's the literal space I was talking about. It's wonderful down here, really breezy, fish and frogs in the water, people practising their graffiti skills, lots of nature all around. Fucking love this place, I'll miss it when we move.

So while they played and investigated nature, I set up my camera and recorded some videos. I was as relaxed as I can be, I don't like being on video, nor talking on video. It sets my autism OFF I feel watched beyond explanation, and then what I do feels cringe and pretentious. But I get the appeal of it, and I’ll never meet those kids so I made an honest effort to do some helpful/inspiring video bits.

I love love love to see my finished art together like this. I love to hold it, sometimes it feels unreal I did it. I pour everything I have into my art, the good & the bad and it turns into something physical with a place in this world. Feels intense in a good way.

Seemed like the perfect time to get some promo photos done to update my website with.

I love concrete graffiti jungles. The energy I get off the impassioned street art is intense & oh so inspiring.