Seasons change, and so do dogs.

Ronon my chihuahua is ok for now, but he's had a major change recently. He's sleeping all the time pretty much. He's 15 years old. It's just the natural change but I have a hard time with it.

He's my first kid. What do you mean he is going to die and I have to keep on the rest of my life without him? All pets should live as long as humans do.

It's so goddamn hard to lose so many people close to me to death and to know it's coming for my Ronon sooner than I’d like.

I don't deal well with change. I was washing the walls like I do every 6 months, only this time Ronon slept through it all. He used to like chasing the mop head on the wall and bark at it etc. Or watch me with a weary eye type thing. Now he just sleeps through it. He sleeps in, doesn't greet me in the mornings anymore, I greet him now.

Now it's me waking him up with a leg and back massage so he's able to get up and go to the washroom. Etc.

I hate trauma and PTSD and everything. I hate that I have all of this coming up in tidal waves as I try to navigate the end of my best friend, my first kid, that's also a dog’s life.

I hope he lives pain free and goes in his sleep whenever the time is right. I wouldn't extend anything, I just want him to be happy. And safe. And loved. He's so loved. This is painful.